Sometimes the journey we walk to answered prayer is much longer and harder than seems possible. Sometimes the journey includes consequences of our past choices and healing and growth need to come before our prayers are answered. But God is with us every step.
I have not always been the sweet gray-haired, praying, church lady I am today. Because of some things I experienced as a child and young adult my concept of love was totally messed up. I looked for love in all the wrong places and when I didn’t find it I turned to alcohol and drugs to fill the emptiness. Unfortunately, due to my wrong choices, I failed in some ways as a mom. I was so relationship addicted that I failed to put my daughter first. I failed to protect her and as a result, at 29 years old she stepped out of my life. To say I was blindsided by her decision is an understatement. We had spent many hours, over many years, sharing and healing from those early years. Or so I thought. She is now 40 and the silence can be deafening at times. I have had to lay this burden, this desire to be reconciled with her, at the foot of the cross.Even more than wanting her to reconcile with me, my heart's desire is for her to reconcile with Jesus. Click To Tweet
During these past 11 years, God has grown me in many ways. Here are three key things I’ve learned:
I am not alone.
It was very difficult to share this situation with other women for fear that they would judge or reject me. The opposite has been true. As I have shared about our broken relationship, so many other moms have opened up about their broken relationships. So many women have joined me in prayer. Honestly, at times I am so weary praying that I just can’t. Knowing other women are standing in the gap, lifting me, my daughter, and son-in-law up in prayer is so very comforting. It is also a blessing to pray for others struggling with broken relationships too.
God’s Word is true.
God’s Word is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow so I know He is working in and through this broken relationship for His glory. His Word says that He will grant the desires of my heart and the greatest desire of my heart is to see my daughter and son-in-law reconciled with Jesus and then me.
I needed a relationship with Jesus.
When this journey started I knew who Jesus was but I did not know Him. I had accepted that I needed Jesus but had no clue what it meant to have a relationship with Him. I was so depressed the first year of our separation, suicide was a dark cloud hanging over me daily. Finally, I came to a point where I had to choose that life was worth living, even without my sweet daughter, or end it all. Because of my husband and remembering the pain my mom went through when my older brother took his life, dying was not an option. But how could I go on living?
I began to read God’s Word, pray, and trust that God had and still does have a plan in this journey. I began to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. I developed a relationship with Jesus that has carried me through many hard times. I know that even though I am going through a difficult journey God will restore the broken, messy pieces of my past for His glory in my life.