Sisterhood…when someone hurts us

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

My heart shattered.

The words I heard shocked me and rocked me.

How can this be? Why is she saying these things to me? I love her. I thought she loved me.

When the assault was complete, and I tried to explain, it was too late. Our friendship was dead.

I can still see the scene. The moment is a marker in my life.

Why? What? How can this be?

My friend was the best kind of a neighbor a gal could have when you move into a new community. She was kind, giving and funny.

We shared life:  Christmas Eve, weddings, births, deaths, and all in-between. So, how can we go from bliss to a battle so quickly?

I wept as I turned away from my friend.

I had just lost a part of me.

My heart was confetti, and it blew away in the wild, wind of woundedness.

As time marched on and selfishness took root, I got mad, and I stayed that way for a long time. Too long.

Consumption filled me and ignited “rightness and righteousness.” It was ugly, friends.

But God.

God got ahold of my heart and the Holy Spirit whispered, “What part did you play in this hurt?”

Yikes? Part? I did not have a role in the split-up.

But I did.

I started to pray and layers of bitterness began to lift away. Instead of claiming the victim card, tenderness and grace started to fill my heart. Click To Tweet

God revealed to me an underlining misunderstanding that led to hurt which played a part in the splitting of our friendship. It was sneaky and sly, and it eventually saturated and stole something precious from my friend and me. Sisterhood.

Miscommunication and misunderstandings can mess up and strip away the truth and fill a soul with hurt.

Once I recognized the part I played, I apologized to my friend and the hurt finally healed. Sadly, even with apologies, we never rekindled our friendship. I hate that part of this story.

There are times we get hurt. There are times we hurt. Let us remember to own our part of the hurt, forgive the other person and allow God’s healing balm to comfort and heal the broken pieces of our heart.

Freedom lies in forgiveness and helps us move forward. It pours in the trust we need to form healthier friendships in the future.

Reflection Questions

Think of a time a friend deeply hurt you. How did you react? What would you do differently?

Have you forgiven the person? If not, write in your journal a prayer to help you forgive the person who hurt you and ask God to show you if you played a part in the hurt.

Prayer

Father, you understand when life hurts. Your Son lived in a world of hurt, just like we do. Jesus’ biggest hurt took place when you turned away from Him on the cross due to our sin. We can only imagine the pain you felt as you looked away from your Son. Holy Spirit, walk us through the times we get hurt in friendships. Please place your wisdom in our words, thoughts and actions. Highlight any area we might have contributed in the hurt and help us seek forgiveness as we forgive. Thank you, Jesus, for your example of mercy and grace. We love you. Amen.

13 thoughts on “Sisterhood…when someone hurts us

Nancy Silvers

Conflict in relationships is perhaps the hardest for me to face. I used to play the victim card ALL.THE.TIME. But God, He has gently shown me that it is not about the other person as much as it is about how I react, act and speak. Thank you for the reminder, Michele, that always, always, always we should seek the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to discern our part and the truth. Yes, sometimes it is on the other persons actions or words but, I would think, most of the time both parties have a bit of fault in a faltering relationship. Love you and all the sisters!!

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    Jodie Whichard Barrett

    I agree, Nancy. And I, like you, have learned to take a look at myself and see where I can change or help the situation. Often it is not to react, allow myself time for reflection and prayer, and then respond when needed. I try always to remember that I want to be forgiven. Thank you for sharing in the conversation today.

    Reply

    Michele O’Leary

    Nancy, thank you for sharing your own truth about hurt and relationships. It isn’t always easy to own our part of the hurt due to the hurt. The Holy Spirit does move our hearts, our thoughts, our words and our next steps. I love you, Sister. Michele

    Reply

Barb

Michele, your story hits hard. I hurt for you. I hurt because I know the same feelings. My lack of courage with confrontation meant that my friend had no idea of the hurt she caused me, and my embarrassment. It was a long time ago but I still see her. I’ve worn a lot of masks and put on a lot of pleasantries in front of her.
There were times when I wondered if I should just confront her and tell her how she made me feel.
But, I felt a strong conviction that it was my problem and not hers. Would a confrontation make anything better at this point? I have started praying for her. God is changing my heart for her in so many ways.
I don’t know if there will ever be a great bond between us but I know that I need to keep praying for strength to let it go.

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    Michele O’Leary

    Barb, letting go can be the hardest part of moving forward, right? I understand your heart. I am not sure what your next steps will be, but God knows what is best for you. I pray the Holy Spirit will guide your steps and your emotions, whatever that might look like, Barb. I love you, friend. Michele

    Reply

Marybeth

This is so on point today! Thanksgiving day I was hurt so bad by my stepdaughter, sister-in-law and nephew. Friday I was reflecting on the previous day and began seeing that I had not been sensitive to my nephew’s needs. He is ill and I had not taken into consideration that he could be sick on a holiday and ruin my plans of a big Thanksgiving dinner with family – I had planned for weeks and everything was going so well. Sister-in-law is elderly and it was just miscommunication. Still working on the issue(s) with the stepdaughter and it will take time to forgive and heal but I will pray and let God lead the way.

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    Jodie Whichard Barrett

    Oh, Marbeth. Doesn’t miscommunication get us all? I know that I struggle with this and it often lends itself to hurt. I love your wisdom is seeing things this way and allowing God to help lead the way to healing.

    Reply

Michelle

This happened to me a few months ago. You described my feelings perfectly. Fortunately we saved our friendship but there are scars. I prayed and asked God to show me where I was wrong and he did. I was oblivious to where I was wrong so I am trying to be a better friend to all of my friends. Thank you for sharing this Michelle.

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    Michele O’Leary

    Michelle, I am glad to know that your relationship was saved…time heals scars. The wisdom of God is perfect and holds so much promise and truth, even when His correction doesn’t always feel good. Hugs to you, Sister.

    Reply

Mitzi

Thank you my friend for this message of hope and restoration. I’ve experienced something similar and it’s hard and painful. My best plan is to pray and meditate in God’s Word. His promises will never lead me astray and after some time I can see more clearly what I need to do to repair and or restore the relationship. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can’t. But we move on better equipped for down the road. Love you for your transparency and open heart.

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    Michele O’Leary

    Mitzi, thank you for your sweet words of wisdom and encouragement. Yes, medietiting on God’s Word and His promises will never lead us astray. Amen! I love you, Mitz.

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Kathee Wheeler

I have experienced such hurt and rejection with my own family! It hurts and I pray healing which only God can do! Yes, the hurt is there but I know I love this child no matter long it takes for me to be able to ask forgiveness and be forgiven by her! I’m not perfect, yes, and I make mistakes but I am a pleaser and excitable when being with people! Thank you for your prayers!

Reply

    Jodie Whichard Barrett

    Kathee, We will be praying as you continue to seek the Lord over this hurt. Family relationships can be some of the most difficult. But great difficulties open doors for great love to do greater work. I am reminded that He knows how to do restorative work in all of us. Often when I present my heart to Him for shaping I am changed and things look different in the light of His grace. That same grace that he offers us is the grace we can generously extend back. Forgiveness is worth the journey. So glad we can lean in and grow together.

    Reply

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