Sisterhood is a Safe Place

… grace wins hands down.
Romans 5:20 (MSG)

I’m grateful for my sisters.

·     Who else would I send pics of gummy bears to?

·     Who else would see how I’m holding up when my daughter moves 1,400 miles away?

·     Who else would tolerate my complete disregard for commas?

Isn’t having a sister fantabulous?!

Except for when it isn’t.

There’s a hard truth about relationships, and it’s that sometimes we get hurt or we hurt others. I wish it weren’t so. After all, sisterhood is supposed to be a safe place.

It reminds me of the oath medical doctors take, “First— do no harm.” It’s a foundational principle that creates trust and paves the way for a close relationship.

Wouldn’t it be great if there were a Hippocratic oath for sisters?

By definition, safe is a condition whereby a person is protected from risk and unlikely to be harmed. I’m fortunate to have been deeply loved, and in turn, deeply loved others. However, those relationships were far from risk-free, and there were episodes, even seasons, characterized by hurt or pain.

Which leads to a fair question, “Is any relationship a guaranteed safe place?”

The truth is…

Authentic relationships require risk and if they continue for an extended period, hurt or pain will likely occur. #sisterhood Click To Tweet

And so, I want to know:

How can I be a safe place for my sister?

I can be present.

There is nothing like being there that lets someone know we care. When we can’t physically be present a text, card, or call can be just what our sister needs.

“Friends love through all kinds of weather…” (Prov 17:17, MSG).

I can be real.

Authenticity is essential when it comes to loving well. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be honest. It’s important to note that truth is only helpful when the listener is ready to receive it.

Being straightforward with a sister should never be an excuse to say something unkind. Before we offer feedback, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to ready the listener and filter what we say. Most importantly, if we can’t speak in love, we shouldn’t speak at all.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Proverbs 27:5-6, NIV).

I can love like Jesus.

This is a tall order, but when we ask God to help us love like Jesus, it’s a prayer He’s eager to answer.

Loving like Christ will manifest itself in different ways. Jesus served. Jesus provided. Jesus offered to heal. But if there is a marked characteristic regarding how Jesus loved, it is that He sacrificed. If I want to love my sister well, my two-fold prayer must be:

“Jesus show me what it looks like to sacrificially care for my sister and then by the power of your Holy Spirit, enable me to do it.”

“Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends” (John 15:12-12, MSG).

What do I do when sisterhood hasn’t been a safe place for me?

A couple of days before our daughter’s wedding, things had gotten relationally ugly. Record high temperatures that accompanied the stress of preparing for an outdoor wedding resulted in record-high tempers.

I said a cuss word out-loud that I’d never uttered before (at least not in front of my children). The daughter wondered why she hadn’t eloped. The son wondered why he hadn’t run away. The father was still was wondering how he was going to pay for it all. Friends, it was a no good, very bad day.

My niece had arrived a few days before the wedding, and when she asked how things were going, I was honest. “It’s been crazy, Rach. And we haven’t handled it well. How is it that we can take something so wonderful and make such a mess of it?”

She assured me that she knew exactly what I was talking about and that we were normal. It was then that I asked, “So, what’s the answer?” Without missing a beat, she gave me a slight smile and said,

“Forgiveness.”

In other words, the solution wasn’t that there was a guarantee for keeping things from going awry. The REAL remedy was in knowing how we were going to respond when the relational botch-ups occurred.

In even the safest of places, there will be mess-ups. There will be potential hurts. There will be risks.

But thanks to Jesus, there can also always be forgiveness.

 

Reflection Questions

Was there ever a time that someone showed you grace when you hadn’t been “a safe place”? How did that make you feel and how did it affect the relationship?

Is there someone that hasn’t felt like a safe place to you? Can you can reach out to them and show them grace? If it’s impossible (or you’re not ready) take the situation to God. Ask Him to help you forgive them so that you don’t have to carry that burden anymore.

Prayer

God, I confess that this business of Sisterhood can be scary. Can I trust a new friend? Can I forgive an old one? Can I forgive myself? Relationships can be scary, but I know that with you, “all things are possible.” Please give me the courage to risk making new friends or reaching out to old ones. When I forget, remind me that it’s Your grace that makes Sisterhood a safe place. Amen.

17 thoughts on “Sisterhood is a Safe Place

Kelly stanley

Cindy, I love this so much! Thank you for being a safe place for me and for truly living this out in every way. xo

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    I am grateful beyond words for the sisters in my life that have shown me what this looks like… and you are among them! Happy Monday Sis!

    Reply

Dr Lynn Schriner ND Retired

I have often wandered in this journey of Sisterhood/ brotherhood…actually ANY hood (if I am honest). I can give a million reasons for my tongue which can be sharp or critical or gossipy or preachy! As Paul talked about”out of our mouths come blessings and cursing!” I can blame my chronic pain that I have lived with for 40 years, I can blame my childhood and my abusive Mother, I can blame..GOD if I am honest. “Why oh Lord did you let that happen?” Or I can humble myself before his love and I can breathe slowly and deeply and I can chose at that moment to repent and ask for forgiveness and find peace. Sisterhood is a safe place is a hopeful and beautiful statement of intentional grace for one another. It is all that you wrote about and more. May be grow ever closer in the honesty of community without too much pain in the aftermath of such a vulnerable venture.

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    Lynn I love this SO much… “intentional grace for one another.” I can’t think of a better way to put it. May I pray for you this morning? “Father, thank you for Lynn. Thank you for her willingness to be brave and vulnerable and to ‘try again’. Give your daugher a deep sense of peace and encouragement as she dares to venture into relationships. Help her know that You are ever-present and always our safe place. In Jesus name, Amen.” Love you lady! I hope your week is off to a fantabulous start! XOXO Cindy

    Reply

Nancy Silvers

Cindy, I love you and your transparency!! I have such a hard time with relationships-past hurts cause current difficulties with allowing myself close sisterhood relationships but I am trying, asking God to help me trust, to love enough to risk need for forgiveness and grace. Thank you and your other five cohorts for birthing this ministry it is much needed and loved ❤️❤️

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    Oh, Nancy. It’s so hard, isn’t it? Even when we don’t necessarily want to hang on to a past hurt it’s natural to not want to be hurt again. You are brave for even asking God to stretch you. I’m grateful we can have a space like this where we can encourage one another to step out in those areas that are hard for us. Love you Nancy… you are a treasure. XOXO Cindy

    Reply

Jodie Whichard Barrett

“I can love like Jesus.
This is a tall order, but when we ask God to help us love like Jesus, it’s a prayer He’s eager to answer.”
BAM! You’ve given me a prayer and I love that and yes, He is eager to answer. I can trust he will meet me in the tall order and make me able. Part of that “loving like Jesus” will certainly include forgiveness. I love you, sis.

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    I’m glad I could be your “iron” today. You are mine so many other days! Love. You. Too.

    Reply

Cindy Wilkins

I needed this so much! A friend of many years recently lashed out at me unexpectedly. It knocked me off kilter, hurt my heart, and made me mad at the underserved treatment. And….I’ve held onto those feelings and pulled away from her. The Spirit has reminded me that I need to forgive and now your words have too. Thank you for sharing this truth!

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    Such a difficult thing isn’t it Cindy? I’m so sorry you had to experience that. May I whisper a prayer for you? “Father God, thank you so much for the work you are doing in Cindy’s heart in regards to this friendship. Lord, help in whatever step is next. Whether it’s peace she experiences in her own heart or an opportunity to reach out, please go before her and make the path clear. She loves you so much Lord… hem her in with your love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” Love you lady. XOXO Cindy

    Reply

      Cindy Wilkins

      Thank you dear Cindy!!

      Reply

Michele O’Leary

Cindy, I love every word of this post. Thank you. I love you too, Sis. I giggled about the cuss word, sorry, but true. I love that we can be real here in our place called Sisterhood.

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    If we can’t be real here I’m not sure where the heck we can?! I’m so grateful for the women in my life…including this group! Truly we are better together! Love you friend. XOXO Cindy

    Reply

Desiree Taylor

Cindy,
Your transparent heart is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us. Vulnerability is scary and yet isolation scares me more. I have self-protective tendencies and they show up in the relationships around me. Praying for grace for myself and with others around me. I long to love others the way Jesus loves me. Thanks for reminding me it is worth the risk, and just like with God, even when I mess up, He is waiting to reach out for my hand and help me up. I want to be that sister friend to others.

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    “…isolation scares me more.” Those are WISE words. Thank you for sharing Desiree. You are inspiration to me and many others…I love that you want to be that sister-friend to others, that is certainly a prayer God loves to answer. We’re so glad you’re here!

    Reply

Tara

I am going through that someone in my life telling me that I don’t need a safe. She said Because know one can be safe. She is what every you heard from God calling you to go for your calling.She said people have call in From God. I had to bite my rouge be for I said whati I did to her.I told her all people can have a safe place from the world that you have a safe place with Jesus if you would ask him in your life.I told her people can have a calling from God. I told her that I heard Jesus and He Call me .

Reply

    Cindy Krall

    Truth… we can all have a safe place in Jesus. Thank you for sharing Tara!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get Connected

Sign up for occasional emails, giveaways, info on upcoming retreats, and more! And no worries, we won’t share your personal information or fill your inbox with spam. Eww. We hate spam.

Featured Product

Sisterhood Journal

What is sisterhood? It’s not a club or sorority, but a special kind of soul connection—I can call you sister because you call Him Father.

Read More »